The Mind I'm Lost Inside

by Maleidoscope

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Malcolm Ocean This is my own album, but I listen to it quite often, so I think it's totally fair to include it on my fan page :) Favorite track: That Phrase.
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My first album! Featuring some songs that are several years old and others that were written during the recording process.

Also available on iTunes, but it's cheaper here and I get paid just as much!


released November 16, 2012

Album recorded & mixed at Brixton Music Inc. in Kitchener, Ontario.
Mastered at Ursa Major Sound in Lynn Haven, Florida.
All sounds made by Maleidoscope except the female vocals (tracks 2,3,11) by Shannon Campbell and the drums on track 9 by Christian Reichard.
All tracks self-produced except track 9 produced by Nick Iden.


all rights reserved



Maleidoscope Waterloo, Ontario

Upbeat singer-songwriter and jack-of-all-trades musician. Lyricist first, then orchestrator.

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Track Name: Who Am I?
When I'm lost in thought, where am I?
Am I the searcher or the one I'm trying to find?
Have I lost my mind, or is it my mind I'm lost inside?
If I can't find my feelings, does it mean they're trying to hide?

When I find myself, in a fight,
Am I the aggressor or the one I want to strike?
Have I seen true hate, or has hate destroyed my sight?
If I can't fight my feelings, does it mean that they're alright?

When I wake up, roll over, and try to go back to sleep,
Am I the counter, or am I the sheep?
Have I let my get-up-and-go, get up and leave?
Am I afraid of failing, or of what I might achieve?

When I do something meaningless, have I truly wasted time?
Am I the clock, or the hours passing by?
Have I conquered time, or is it time that traps my mind?
If I ignore my feelings, can I say that they're not mine?

When you are standing, facing me,
Am I the eyes or the one who is seen?

When I'm trying so hard to look inside,
will I miss what's in plain sight?
Can I really see you,
While I'm trying to see me too?
Is that even possible to do?

I can ask myself so many questions: who? what? when? where? why?
But it all comes back to, it all comes back to, it all comes all comes back to: Who am I?
Track Name: Even the Rain
a grey and cloudy day... but everything's okay
in fact, everything is great... no need to complain about fate
I'm just laying in my bed... little song going through my head
I look outside once again... and then it starts to rain

but even the rain can't wash away my peace of mind
even the rain can't wash away my peace of mind
I'm gonna dance in the rain with all of humankind
it's pouring rain, and I'm feeling just fine

a couple being wed... everything is done and said
they're starting the reception but then the sky just opens up
and rather than trying to run and hide, they through everything down and run outside
and start to dance, all expressing how, in the desert rain is a blessing

so even the rain can't wash away my wedding day
even the rain can't wash away my wedding day
we're gonna dance in the rain, link arms and sway
it's pouring rain... I've got nothing else to say


even the rain can't wash away my joy
even the rain can't wash away my joy
gonna dance in the rain, yeah every girl and boy
there's nothing real that weather can destroy

even the rain can't wash away our joy
even the rain can't wash away our joy
we're gonna dance in the rain, whoa-whoa-whoa-o
because even the rain can't wash away our joy

Track Name: She's Got a Crush On Me
there's a girl over there, and she's giving me a stare
do I have something funny in my hair?
It should look fine - I showered, I swear
but maybe I picked the wrong thing to wear

this girl's kindof cute, she's got a certain flair
I wish I'd taken longer to prepare
I'd've liked to say hi, but now I don't dare
and I try to tell myself that I don't care

the next day my friend came up and said "why
didn't you talk to that girl last night?
I know her, you're totally her kind of guy...
you picked a terrible night to act all shy"

I said "I was far too nervous to try"
he said "couldn't you see it in her eye?
she was crushing on you, thought you looked real' fly
and you couldn't even go and say 'hi'?"


She's got a crush on me, she's got a crush on me
why on earth could I not see?
she was crushin so obviously
but somehow it escaped me that she's got a crush on me

I'm not being egotistic - I'm just trying to be realistic
I've gotta stop being so oblivious, when her feelings are so obvious
It's clear I'm at least somewhat appealing... now I just have to start catching on to these feelings
but from now on I vow that when I sense some attraction - I will take some kind of action!


so I've been spending a bunch of time
with a girl who I thought was pretty fine
but our friendship was simple, no pick-up lines
I was hardly expecting the stars to align

but then on the day we said goodbye
I could see something in the look in her eye
that said "I really sorta like you, I was just too shy"
and I'm thinking "man why couldn't we have realized this weeks ago when we still had time to hang out and get close and stuff?" but in the end I don't say that actually I don't say anything at all, I just SIGH

Track Name: How Do I Love Thee?
how do I love thee? let me count the ways!
well the first thing I should say is that I loved you straightaways
from the moment my eyes just happened to gaze
upon you standing there, kinda turned sideways
I can tell you: you made my eyebrows raise
well there's two ways.

how do I love thee? let me count the ways!
well the way it would play out, we often love from faraways
and on the days that I see you, we love in driveways
and sometimes hallways, and stairways, and goodnight in doorways
and outside, out-of-the-ways, under the sun's rays
that's six more ways

how do I love thee? let me count the ways!
I love you when we're runaways, escaping from this craze
driving down highways and hiding in alleyways
(oh) we've been stowaways and castaways, wand'ring on walkways and causeways
thisaways and thataways for days and days and days

well that's a bunch more ways
please forgive me because I lost count
thinking of you just set my heart ablaze
but I can tell you for sure, there's a huge amount
of ways

I love you
straightaways and sideways, from faraways, in driveways
in hallways, stairways, doorways, out-of-the-ways, and as runaways
on highways, in alleyways, as stowaways and castaways
on walkways and causeways, thisaways and thataways

how do I love thee? I counted seventeen ways!
but wait! I almost forgot the two most important ways:
I'll love you always, and I'll love you anyways
Track Name: That Phrase
I quit, but I got no withdrawal
The bank said that I had "Insufficient Funds"
So that's it, I'm on my own from now on
Nothing to give - just trying to live with sufficient fun

Well it's not that hard
But hey, it's not that easy
Just gotta start

I awake, but sometimes, hey, I sleep in
so mid-afternoon, I feel kinda doomed, 'cause the day's half gone
I wonder—will it take, immense determination
to get to a state, where I'm never late, and I always know what's going on?

Well it's not that hard
but it's not that easy
just gotta start...

'Cause you know that phrase "easier said than done"
Doesn't have to apply to everyone
If I decide that I like action
instead of just conversation
And spend my days getting fun things done
and proudly say to everyone,
"I get satisfaction from my life
and I've only just begun."


I try, but still sometimes I mess up
Still I know success, comes right after mess, if I can learn from it all
I fly, but only in the most figurative sense
so why be all scared, if I'm unprepared, and I start to fall...

'cause the ground is not that hard
But hey it's not that easy
Just gotta start...

Track Name: Bienvenue à Ma Vie
I'm still thinking en français
Il est très difficile to say what I want to say
Yet here I am, with a pen... sur le feuille de papier, je vais le mettre
Parce que je veux t'écrire a bilingual letter

Bienvenue à ma vie [4x]

Je ne sais pas how you knew me
Je ne comprends pas much of what you say to me
But our bodies speak one tongue, quand nous dansons
And our voices sounds so beautiful dans les chansons

Welcome to my life, make yourself at home
You were what I was looking for - how could I have known?
Welcome to my life, please stay awhile
You'll notice I prefer not to walk single file

We don't have to have, just yet, un projet spécifique
Parce que nous les deux connaissons that this is so unique
Quand nous danserons prochain, I do not know
But I wasn't lying when I said "À bientôt!"

Bienvenue à ma vie [4x] ...
Track Name: I Like You
I like you... (I like you)
I mean, I "like you", like you (Yes I do)
I mean you're pretty cool (Yeah, you're cool)
And I'd like to hang out with you (If that's what you're into)

So I wrote this simple song (It only has two chords)
to match my feelings (My feelings are pretty simple too)
I thought I could share it with you (So here it is)
to see if you sing it too (I like how you sing, when you do)
...because you always sing in tune

I like you... (yeah I like you)
I mean, I "like you", like you (like, I like you)
I mean you're pretty cool (You're so pretty-- I mean cool)
And I'd like to sing with you (la-dee-dee-da-dee-dee-da)

But the way it feels (Oh this feeling I get)
based on what's happened before (It's really hard to forget)
I'm afraid you'll say no to me (Like all those other times)
because you kinda don't know me (I mean, we're just acquaintances, really)
...(enough) to know if I'm who you want your someone to be

I like you... (Oh yeah I like you)
I mean, I "like you", like you (Like, I really like you, I do)
I mean you're pretty cool (That means you're both pretty and you're cool)
And I'd like to get to know you, then I'd show you (Oh... I'd show you)

This could be fun (so much fun)
Not in a complicated way (Like I said before, it's really quite simple)
We could give this a chance (take a chance on me)
come on get up, and dance (have a dance with me) see if your hands feel right in my hands

I like you... (I like you)
I mean, I "like you", like you (like you, like you)
And I'd like to ask you (So what do you say?)
and if not that's okay too... (It's fine by me either way) you like me?
Track Name: Teleporter
If you were here, or I were there
or really, both of us could be anywhere
we could cloud-gaze, or star-gaze
or just laze, or... anyway...(s)

once I build a teleporter
we can hang out any time
no need to wait until our weekends align
once I build a teleporter
I can see you...
I can see you... whenever I want to

if you lived here, or I lived there
the two of us would be quite a pair
it would be bliss—we'd kiss and kiss
instead of miss and reminisce

once I build a teleporter
we can hang out anywhere
no need to wait for the other to get there
once I build a teleporter
I can see you...
I can see you... wherever I want to

if only we had known we'd be
looking back reflectively
we could return to when our passion first burned
now that we've learned how things would turn... out!

once I build a time machine
we could meet for the first time, again and again
it won't matter when
once I build a time machine
I could always catch up on time I missed
being with you...
being with you... whenever I want to
Track Name: General Disregard
I have a general disregard for paths
except when they get me where I wanna go fast
otherwise, unless there's a sign, I'm totally fine with walking on grass
no time to polish 'cause I'm always russian to finnish my next task

I have a general disregard for geese
except when I find their presents under my feet
then I get to thinkin' 'bout how much they look like big fluffy golf balls on tees
and I'd like to dropkick them but I think that would be kind of mean


I have a general disregard for time
until I sense an approaching deadline
but I don't need caffeine I find my adrenaline does me fine
I just sit down and amp up and focus and unleash the power of my mind

I'm easy-goin', and I'll go anywhere
Sun, rain, or snowin' - well I don't care
[this is a real trumpet, I swear]

[instrumental break]

I have a general disregard for walls
even if they're over a hundred feet tall
'cause why would I climb them? it would be so painful if I were to fall
when I could just walk through those walls as if they're not there at all

I'm easy-goin', and I'll go anywhere
Sun, rain, or snowin' - well I don't care
I'm easily amused, at every turn
I like to be confused, 'cause then I learn
[scat solo]

I have a general disregard for closure
so it's hard to tell when my songs are over...
Track Name: Priorities
I'm sitting at my desk, looking at my computer screen
and I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be doing something
...I can't focus - I'm not getting very far
I think I'm just gonna go play my guitar

Like ohhh...

Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I don't know what to say
Like it, I've been reflecting: there's only so many hours in a day!
They can't all be productive - I would probably go insane
I just need some time to unwind my brain

Like ohhh...
[sax solo!]

Sometimes, I lay on my back, and I look up to the sky
Well more ofttimes the ceiling, 'cause I spend so much time inside
I got so many priorities, that I don't know where to start
...but some, I'm not so sure of these, so I'd better ask my heart
Like ohhh...
Track Name: Under the Hemlocks
under the hemlocks
— the most beautiful place I've been
under the hemlocks
every year we promise that we're never going to leave

I can trace my roots
back to the cookies and the juice
and even if we don't know each others last names
I'm sure our grandparents do

and as much as I mind
our tearful goodbyes
it was worth it
to say hello to you

Chorus — I grew to a tree from a tiny seed

people and trees you know
well we always change and grow
'tho it's so gradual we sometimes forget
and expect it all to stay the same

(but this) forest is a place
where you don't need personal space
and no matter who you ('ve become / are)
you aren't made strange

Chorus — we are always so naive

where love is as easy to find
as a needle, on the ground
where all are lost and found
and every direction is homeward bound

We'd love to stay here all year long
and sing our favorite songs
knowing we belong
under the hemlocks

Chorus — knowing how it feels to be free

on the very last day
we'll probably be late
because we set the clock back 8 whole minutes
and hoped noone would mind

if we had a say
I know that we would stay
with all of our
branches intertwined

Chorus — room enough for you and me
Chorus — the most beautiful place I've seen
I don't think I ever want to leave
in my heart I know I'll never leave

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